


Hook-Up List

by CheyanneChika



Series: CheyanneChika's Sterek Week [5]
Category: Teen Wolf (TV)
Genre: Breaking the Fourth Wall, Crack, Dialogue-Only, F/M, Lyrics/Quotes, M/M, Meta, Metafiction, Minor Aiden/Lydia Martin, Minor Allison Argent/Scott McCall, Minor Ethan/Danny Mahealani, Minor Ethan/Jackson Whittemore, Minor Everyone/Everyone, Minor Lydia Martin/Jackson Whittemore, Minor Lydia Martin/Scott McCall, Minor Lydia Martin/Stiles Stilinski, Minor Peter Hale/Lydia Martin, Minor Scott McCall/Kira Yukimura, Minor Scott McCall/Malia Tate, Sterek Week, Sterek Week 2017
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-10-30
Updated: 2017-10-30
Packaged: 2019-01-26 13:17:07
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 395
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12558204
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CheyanneChika/pseuds/CheyanneChika
Summary: Derek and Stiles talk, in a meta world, about the fact that way too many other people on the show are hooking up.





	Hook-Up List

**Author's Note:**

> I wrote this while watching paper dry. Because doing that takes me to a very meta place.

**"I feel like _Friends_ in season 8, out of ideas and forcing Joey and Rachel together even though it made no sense.” – Ellen Shellstrop in _The Good Place_ (2016).**

Stiles: So Scott's slept with Allison, Kira, Malia…

Derek: and he made out with Lydia that one time.

Stiles: Oh yeah. That was a total dick move.

Derek: You've kissed her too.

Stiles: Yeah, once. And that was like, you know, to stop a panic attack and to make Stydia fans go “Booyah! Suck it Sterek!”

Derek: ...Did you just say booyah?

Stiles: Errrrr, what about that whole Lydia-Aiden and Danny-Ethan-Jackson thing, I mean, come on, I know Jackson’s a dick, but who the hell hooks up with his best friend’s ex and his ex's ex's twin brother outside of a really bad romcom?

Derek: He hasn’t slept with either of us.

Stiles: Jackson? Eww.

Derek: Scott, you idiot.

Stiles: …I’m sorry, do _you_ want to sleep with Scott?

Derek: …

Stiles: Ask a stupid question…

Derek: Isaac probably does.

Stiles: Isaac has truly bad taste then.

Derek: You all do.

Stiles: Am I included in that?

Derek: …

Stiles: Let me rephrase.  Are you including me because I dated your sister or because I dated your cousin.

Derek: …

Stiles: Oh good, the claws have come out physically, rather than metaphorically.  Let’s move on, shall we? Ahahaha ahem.  Is there anyone in our pack who hasn’t slept with slash fooled around with another pack member?

Derek: Me.

Stiles: …You don’t count.

Derek: Peter.

Stiles: —Fooled around with Lydia while he was dead.  Maybe I should have asked about pack members who only got with one other pack member.

Derek: Chris?

Stiles: Maybe he and Peter should hook up.  Loose cannon sociopath and Mr. Makes-excellent-life-choices.  Opposites attract and all that.

Derek: And what does that make us?

Stiles: This is like an episode of friends near the end where people were just randomly hooking up because they just couldn’t let Ross and Rachel get back together again until the season finale.

Derek: If you follow that logic…

 Stiles: If you’re implying I should sleep with you until my supposed true love and I get our acts together enough to settle down, I don’t think I’d really like that.

Derek: It’s the end of the season.

Stiles: …Derek?

Derek: Stiles, shut up.

…

Stiles: Well, you’re officially off that first list.

………………………………………………………………….


End file.
